The Shicksville Redemption

If you haven’t yet read Shicksville Justice this post will not make any sense to you.

Today is September 1st and Grandma, our heroine, dutifully hauled herself back to Shicksville to show Dorothy Dotage her brand–printed paper copy–of her Learner’s Permit. You know the thing Grandma didn’t study for but passed anyway. Grandma dressed special for the occasion in her best blue jeans and her vintage “Trans Am” t-shirt.

Grandma noticed a few things upon entering the Shicksville Court House. Most notably…there still weren’t many people there. But most impressively she listened in on conversation after conversation (because you don’t have another choice the damn door is wide open and no one will let anyone back to an office where there might be a tad bit of privacy) as Dorothy, asked several pertinent questions of those she is charged with defending AND…gasp…listened without snark to the answers. It was quite amazing to Grandma to see this transformation in Dorothy.

Grandma, although she did not get to speak Karen Dullard today, could see a visible change in Karen as Grandma watched her across the lobby in her little vestibule doing what seemed like talking to people rather than at them. For a very brief second, across the uncrowded lobby, Grandma caught Karen’s eye and detected another change. A dash of humility perhaps?

So many strange things from her last five visits to Shicksville. Grandma couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to bring about this….this….wave of professionalism.

Finally, Dorothy called upon Grandma.

Grandma went into the vestibule where she was asked if she’d obtained her driver’s license yet.

That wasn’t a stipulation the last time Grandma was there–nothing new, stipulations in the Shicksville Court House changed constantly with each visit.

Grandma reached in her purse and uncrumpled the purposefully tightly crumpled Learner’s Permit for Dorothy to see. Grandma always like to put as sharp of a point on her….point….as possible and Dorothy was upset to see this important piece of Xerox so terribly treated.

Dorothy asked when Grandma was going to get her license.

Grandma said: “I don’t know.”

Dorothy said something about needing to know.

To which Grandma sighed knowing that was BS because she’d accomplished what she’d been asked to do–get her permit–the last time she was in Shicksville. Besides, Grandma has to wait “at least 90 days” before she can even make an appointment with DMV and Dorothy knew that. So, Grandma very measuredly once again said, “I don’t know.”

Dorothy caught on. Good Dorothy.

Dorothy said something intelligent! Dorothy said something straight out of the Common Sense Play Book and almost knocked Grandma on her old ass.

What did Dorothy say?

Dorothy said; “The prosecutor will nolly the charges if you go get your license. If you don’t you can’t pay a $50.00 surety bond over there.”

Again, Grandma almost fell over but she wanted to make sure got it right before agreeing or disagreeing to anything so Grandma said: “You want me to pay a $50.00 fine and that’s it. It’s over?”

Dorothy said; “I don’t want you…”

Grandma interrupted before Dorothy ruined the nice moment and Grandma said: “I pay a $50.00 fine and that’s the end of this. That it?”

“That’s it,” said Dorothy.

“Well, let’s get going honey.” Said Grandma. “You should have offered me that the first time around.”

Fifty bucks! All this utter BS over….fifty bucks!

SIX trips to Shicksville for….fifty lousy dollars!

At this point you can laugh because it truly is a terrible punchline to an even worse joke.

Here’s what’s not so funny.

Somebody’s Power Trippin’, baby. Power Trippin’ on justifying their existence as a Court, that is. Face it, with that few people, if that Court–thanks to Karen–doesn’t make people come back several times for just about everything, they’re not doing any ‘business’ at all. So why keep them open?

As Grandma stood in line to pay her whopping $50.00 fine the man in front of her told a story of….18 months ago!….getting a…..$35.00 ticket….and it was finally over today. He was finally being “allowed” to pay his $35.00 ticket.

That’s life in Schicksville. Stay away from it. That’s my best advice. If you want to gamble go to Mashentucket where, if you get in any kind of trouble at all, you’ll be on the ‘right side’ of the Thames River and you’ll get to go to Court in the Big City instead of Shicksville.

As for Grandma and her license, well, she has no plans to follow through with that at this moment but she has plenty of time to think about it as the plastic Learner’s Permit has yet to arrive in the mail. I’ll tell you this much because I know Grandma so well, if she ever does go and finish this task it will not because some pencil-neck forced her into it.

Tonight, in honor of her victory and all the fun she had, she’s going to watch a special movie.