the writers life

Hot Butter Scams

I like that name. You might too by the time I’m done. But I think we’ll end up calling this the Praise & Prey scam. I like that one better. You’ve seen it already in It’s Getting Harder to Tell. I have been getting a lot of them ever since I reopened my account on this one site that starts with an “R” and ends with “eedys” to look for a marketer. That’s strange, huh?

Anyway….let’s get rolling.

Saturday morning, I woke up, got my coffee, turned on the news, smoked a cig and a bowl with hubby then it was time to “use the ladies room.” I always take my phone. Bad habit I suppose but it’s really replaced magazines in the Throne Room.

Sitting on said Throne, I opened my email and there it was. Another one.

Oh…sorry…it was 8am. Please remember that.

Here’s the initial email which was sent to me at 7:18pm on Friday evening.

First, notice the sig line for “Lisa R. Barrows”.

Second, these people are being taught how to distract The Mark (that’s me and maybe you too) in a new manner. I call it the Praise While You Prey method of scamming. OR Hot Buttered Emails. It’s fitting. These emails are much longer than they need to be. They ARE spelled correctly. You can thank AI for that and probably the ‘sympathetic’ or maybe even ’empathetic’ mode on said AI.

Anyway, I was bored and you know when happens when I get bored. Yeah, I get devious if the opportunity presents itself. It did.

I finished with the Throne Room. Went down for my second cup of coffee and while watching the news I flicked through my phone only to see this. Kindly remember the two times of day above.

Lisar or maybe it’s actually Lisard….sent that to me at 8:10am.

My bored deviousness kicked into high gear. I went to my computer and sent her an email answering her impatient reverse psychology tactic.

Hi

Please, let me apologize for not immediately responding to the initial email that you sent me at 7:18pm on a Friday night. All I can say in my defense is I’m not surgically attached to my phone. 

However, when I read your initial email at 8:00am this Saturday morning with my first cup of coffee I was intrigued. I had every intention of sending you a well thought email, explaining all about Amazon and how several years ago they trashed thousands upon thousands of reviews of indie authors all willy-nilly. I wanted to reach out to you with an eye toward exploring this avenue further with you and learning more. Of course, and again I apologize, I have a life, so I wasn’t going to do that until I returned from grocery shopping later today.

 When I read the follow-up email you sent to me at 8:10am this Saturday morning I became less intrigued.

Thanks so much for reaching out. I surely do appreciate it.

I probably won’t post the full contents of the rest of her emails because they are LONG. Anyway, still keeping with the psychological warfare theme here goes the first bit of her answer. Stay on the ball now. Read carefully.

Obviously my sarcasm went right over her head. Millenial.

Keep that 100+ reviews thing in mind! You’ll see why and, if you can do basic math, you’ll be astounded.

Anyway, she goes on and on with a lot that Hot Buttered Praise, making me feeling like a warm piece of Italian bread. It’s a nice feeling, it really is, but the downside is, eventually, the piece of bread is going to get bitten. And, of course, me being me, while I want to fall for it, I really do, all these decades of reading between the lines has taught me better.

ALL the while NOT laying out any type of plan it’s just a bunch of…and I shit you not here…

Again and again…while I’m trying to get some real info out of her.

First off, you Hot Buttered Bitch, that’s NOT what happened with Amazon. The next time someone mentions that to you do a little research. Those reviews were not left by ‘bots’ nor were they ‘inflated praise’. Those were REAL reviews by REAL people who REALLY READ our BOOKS and had the audacity to like them as much as those who were Traditionally Published. Us Indies had the unmitigated balls to work our asses off building a fan base to support us. A fan base that READ and REVIEWED. But, oh, shit, they ‘liked’ you FB, became a ‘follower’ on Twitter or whatever. According to Amazon for a short brutal time, that made those people, whom we’d never met and probably never would, “our friends” and the opinions of “our friends” didn’t count. So Amazon slaughtered tens of thousands of reviews for us little guys. They were outright Nazis for quite a period of time always lurking on our social media and websites. I used to watch them come into my site several times a day to check out if I had a lower price on any of books.

To this day, while I have to deal with him, I hate that two-faced bastard.

(Relax. Breathe. In. Out. Relax.)

Yes, ok, fine. I’m sorry.

Anyway, I was glad she took that bait because it showed me what she didn’t know, which is why I put it out there.

Keep in mind, like the others, so far throughout this process, she has not offered me any reason to believe anything she says. She hasn’t mentioned a newsletter, a website, just a supposed list of a grand 2000 readers. BTW, that’s peanuts. She hasn’t offered up any plan at all. Just a lot of Hot Butter.

My emails to her got shorter and she couldn’t catch on. How hard is this one?

Hello 

I happen to be at the launch of a marketing campaign for The Heart of War and the entire Of War series.This will kick off on August 4th. I have recently paid for ads on Facebook, Instagram, Amazon and Book Cave. 

While I appreciate all of your kind words for Genesis, it might be best if you send an outline of your vision for this project detailing your plan and the cost. 

I don’t know how she missed the part where I asked her to send me that clear plan already but she just stuck with the Praise While You Prey method and couldn’t get away from her script for anything. Again, to date, she has offered me nothing to back up claims she may be insinuating but not outright promising or even saying. You got that, right?

I was getting tired. I sent this in response: Please send me a detailed plan including cost. Thank you.

I really wanted to type and send something more like; Bottom Line it Already, Bitch. Get to the fucking point.

Yet, for me, I continued to ‘play nice.

If you’re still here…. you are about to be greatly rewarded. Here is her last email to me and then we’ll break this all down, ok?

#2 above….Ooooo….let’s go back to the top and that 100+ reviews she baited me with. You can do basic math, yes? That supposed person paid….$2,500. To a person who has not given them any information or proof whatsoever to back up their claims. IF that person even exists, of course.

#3 above….Hmmmmmm….that’s a horrible idea. It really is. Please don’t even do that. Do not send a .pdf, Word file, pages file, or any other file outside .mobi or .ePub to anyone YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY KNOW. Take it from Aunty Moon, this is sage advice, I got ripped off on that in my early days so so so many times. .Pdf is perfect for sending and resending and uploading to pirate sites and even legitimate sites you’re not on so these Hot Buttered Scammers can collect MONEY you WOULD BE MAKING if you were on that site. I spent YEARS trying to get “Heart” and “Child of War” OFF pirate sites and legitimate ‘sharing sites’. I lost a nice chunk of change in the process. It sucked.

#3A–get the hell off Kindle Unlimited. Go wide. DMR it as much as you can. This helps ensure this crap doesn’t come to fruition because you’re already there. Even those library sites…get on them.

Next paragraph; she has not told me how these 20+ reviewers are going to get my book. She has given me no proof they even exist. She never did. Not at any point whatsoever. She talks about Amazon later on but never says the reviews will be there. And, Oh, BTW, since, as mentioned in an earlier email from Lisar herself;

She’s absolutely right! She is. No doubt about it. BUT, since she hasn’t told me just how these many reviewers are receiving my book, how am I guaranteed they will be “verified reviews”? Because, lemme tell ya, Amazon loves to chuck reviews that not “verified”. Yep, if you haven’t given them money your opinion means nothing even if you did spent $500 on that dishwasher somewhere. Trust me, I know, because THAT’S EXACTLY how so many of my (and thousands of others) wonderful heartfelt reviews got trashed by the Bastard Bezos.

So, that type of review won’t do me any good.

The biggest problem here is, for some reason I am sure is very amusing to the Cosmos, even people who love your work won’t leave a review. They just won’t do it. Most of them never even think of doing it. For every 100 sales I make maybe….maybe….1 person leaves a review.

I get it and I don’t get it.. Hey, I’m a Prime Member like everyone else on the planet. I’m not just an Indie Retailer…I’m a frickin’ customer. I leave reviews for things that were outstanding something that was a really good deal. Every now and then I do leave a bad review if I think people should be ware of a product. 90% of the time I’m as quite as the rest of them.

Weird.

I guess a lot of us GenXers and Before are still getting used to the importance of that kind of thing here in the 21st century.

Oh well, in the end here, I sent her back a short email just telling her I didn’t send my books out in .pdf format anymore.

If you’re an author…or whatever I guess this could apply to any independent someone….watch out for these people. If you’re down because you haven’t had a new review in a long time and one of these emails comes along. Sit back. Read it three times. On the third time realize this scammer HAS BEEN to your book’s page. They ARE spitting back NICE THINGS people have ALREADY SAID about YOUR BOOK.

Nice thing people have already said about your book. Your work.

It’s already there. Right there. Go read it whenever you want. Doesn’t matter if it’s ‘new’ or ‘old’. What matters is…it’s THERE.

If these nasty people don’t provide you with a bit Fishing Fun like they do me then just take a bit of comfort in knowing you may have already accomplished your purpose. It’s just not as big as you were dreaming about.

You know…Wonder Woman big….

Fine.

That’s not a horrible thing. It really isn’t.

What did Bilbo say? Oh yes,

It’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.

(Just don’t give these creeps any money.)

****Update 8/3/2025*** It never ends. If you’re of a mind please go to Part Deux of this post.