Wow! I know, it’s been a good long while since we had a chat. In my defense, I’ve been very busy lately. The gardens. The house. The job. The family. You know how it goes.
In the middle of all that, as often happens with me, I woke up one day driven by The Muse to do something strange…..
Translate some novels!
I’d been wanting to do that for ages but, well, to my great shame, I don’t speak/read/write any foreign language well enough to do that. I don’t know many people who would be kind enough to take a whole book and translate it into a language other than English. How boring! All I could see in my head was some poor person sitting there with a copy of my novels and painstakingly hand writing it out in another language.
Go ahead…laugh.
In 2023 that is freakin’ hysterical. Yes, it is. I’ve come to see that over the last week or so.
While I love the idea of having at least some of my novels available in other languages, on that driven day, I looked up to The Muse in confusion and asked; “How would you like me to do this?”
The Muse said: “Go to the Almighty Google. It will tell you.”
Oh bother.
Ok…off to the Almighty Google I went.
I was immediately warned against this idea! I mean, seriously, how dare I try to put my books in a language I know nothing about! You stupid little author, you can’t do this! You’ll murder someone else’s language and you’ll end up looking like an idiot.
Yep, that’s what pretty much every article and YouTube video I watched told me.
I was no disheartened.
I sat there listening to these people cry over this subject and thought to myself; There are AI programs so smart these days that they can put a famous actor/actress INTO a MOVIE they never made and it will fool you. Translation has got to have made the same leaps and bounds since these videos were made.
Still, I was stumped. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do. But I’m a smart cookie. I went back to the Almighty Google and (like an idiot!) typed in something like ‘translate my book free online’. I came back with a nice site. I figured; what the hell?
I started with “The Doc” series because it’s small, fast, and hot. I thought, if anything, it should do ok or whatever at my little level, Across the Pond. I uploaded my document, I translated it. I downloaded it. I opened it in Word.
Now the fuck what? Look at all this gibberish! What am I going to….
The Muse whispered; “You know, your version of MicroSoft Word is the same version of MicroSoft Word used across the globe. The very same one. You just don’t have the languages installed.”
You know, sometimes, I could really kiss him. I could lay a big old wet one right on his luscious lips.
So, I installed French, German, Spanish, and Greek.
That went well. It did take a while to figure out how to get everything to display in English but spell/grammar in the selected foreign language. Which brings me to one point, I really wanted to make this post a video to show you how I did it because it’s not hard at all but I don’t have the proper equipment to tape my screen and myself at the same time. Suffice it to say, I did get it set up so that I can edit any document in any of those languages while still seeing the screen (not the document) in English. There’s a little check box when you install a new language so look for it and uncheck the sucker. That’s what fixed my problem.
Anyway, I opened the Spanish version of “On a Hot Summer Night” now entitled “En una caliente noche de verano” and the spell/grammar thing informed me I already had an 88% “readability rate”.
That ain’t bad!
No, I didn’t stop there.
I ran the spell/grammar check and in so doing, since I don’t speak Spanish or any other language, I went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth between Word and Google Translate until all was well. I even changed the names for better “readability” Julie became Julia and Richard became Ricardo. I did that wherever possible in all languages. I was able to catch phrases that didn’t translate or didn’t translate well and fix them for that particular audience.
Mostly, I had a lot of fun and I learned a ton. I found the whole process exceedingly interesting and a bit back-breaking (literally, oh my poor back!). It was quite fascinating to start to piece together words and phrases in other languages and understand the roots of a lot of words. It wasn’t boring at all, doing it in English always bores the utter crap out of me. I hate it.
One thing to remember if you do this and you’re like me and you don’t speak/read/write another language beyond a few choice words and phrases is; Word knows more about the grammar/punctuation end of this than you do–it has to because it’s used in offices and businesses all over the world– so just go along with it on those things. You’ll find a lot of that quite fascinating as well as you go along.
Other stuff, red lines, and whatnot, copy/paste in Google Translate and see what you’re working with. Again, believe it or not, it’s very much fun and educational. I can’t recommend it enough.
By the end of the second run I had and I shit you not….a 97% “readability” rate! Yes, in “casual” mode. I don’t do “formal” mode because I’m writing a story not a dissertation. I want it to have some heart and not be a cold fishy thing. Besides, I hate being stopped for every single contraction. Ugh.
Anyway….
97%
Cut. Print. Let’s go to press!
I am a human being that means I’m not perfect. I did put a disclaimer on each translated version hoping people will be kind when they stumble on that 3%. Check it out:
“This book has been translated from the original English into this language version using a computer program. A second program was then run with a human (mainly me, the author) at the head who struggled with Google translate and more trying to make this the best and most readable translation she could. Unfortunately, the author (again it’s me) doesn’t speak/read/write any foreign languages.”
Word has come a long way. It really has. I haven’t updated it in years, I haven’t, it’s true. This brandy dandy new version even checks for ‘inclusivity’ and ‘offensive phrases’ of all types. That kind of made me mad. I’m tired of being censored in what I write, which is probably why I’m stuck again. I hate this new Poor Me Culture we’re living in. So….yeah, I turned that shit off.
More on that in a second.
So, there I am. I have my French and Spanish versions of “The Doc” series. I’m exhausted. I’m wired. I’m tired. I’m in the bath.
The Muse speaks again: “Perhaps you should research Amazon’s biggest markets outside the US.”
Hot damn! That’s a great idea! Too bad He didn’t come up with it sooner because the next day I discovered that….Germany is Amazon’s second biggest market.
Germany? Seriously?
Ok, well, I’ve got it downloaded and it was on the list so…..
Now, I make my new covers. I kept the same as the English version covers so there’s no confusion.
I get to the upload and I stop.
Oh, crap. That’s right. The title. The description. The keywords. All of that has to be in its new respective language.
Back to Google Translate I went. In so doing realized something I’d never seen before in all the time I’ve been using Google translate for stuff. Do you know it will do an entire book? And keep the formatting? Do you know it will produce at least a 95% “readability” rate right off the bat?
It’s freakin’ awesome. I could not ask for a better starting point and face it, anyone you might hire to do this…is going to do this exact same thing. They’re going to grind your original language version through Google Translate (or similar) then do a spell/grammar check on it. They’re not going to sit there with pen and paper as my brain told me they would at first. They will be able to turn phrases a bit better for you…or not…never know. Why? Because you don’t read the language. The whole thing could come back reading;
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
For all you know.
Anyway, it got a little dicey here. Neither Amazon or Draft2Digital will allow you to make, like, a ‘new’ or ‘sub’ edition of your existing book. Which is kind of a pain because now I’ve got multiple editions of the same book on my Author Page and I can’t organize it all.
Oh bother. Whatever. Back to that in a minute.
So you must upload it as a new book. Don’t forget to click the new language before you upload and, for Amazon, don’t forget to select a new target Amazon market for your translated book…you know Amazon.fr (France/French) or Amazon.de (German/Germany), you’ll figure it out. You’re not an idiot.
Your new translated work will still be on Amazon.com and available to the US market but the price will be based on the foreign currency you selected. Although I haven’t done it yet, you might want to go over to Amazon.fr or other Amazon Market and look for books in your genre and about the same length to see what the prices are in your new foreign market so you can be competitive. Yes, it will effect the US Dollar price of the translated version now available on Amazon.com. It may be higher or lower than the price of the original language book. Go whatever way you want with that. For myself I figure; this is America, there’s lots of people from lots of places here and if they can get this book cheaper in a language that’s easier for them to read…good for them. Good for me too. Hopefully.
Now, in an effort to now have the Longest Amazon Listing in History, I stopped translating “The Doc” series. For the time being it is staying in English, French, and Spanish. I will do German since it’s Amazon’s second biggest market but I might make it one novel for that audience.
Ok, I know some of you want to know this….yes, “The Heart of War” is now available in German and Greek BUT….it is NOT “The Heart of War” in those languages it is “The Soul of War”.
I’m an honest person. I don’t wanna get ripped off so I do my best not to rip off or misled others. When it came to the Draft2Digital versions (Greek and German) I was honest, even though I was thinking; Nah, don’t do it.
During the upload I identified the book as ‘erotica’. There’s a shit ton of sex in it and the kind any reader of Dark Fantasy would expect to find. There are a lot of ‘easily offended’ people out there. I hate Trigger Warnings but welcome to 2023 where even the water is watered down.
It got BANNED on almost every market!
Motherfucker!
Now, understand, I NEED Draft2Digital much more than I need Amazon when it comes to reaching certain foreign markets because they have lots of ‘ins’ with lots of foreign companies. Especially Greece where it seems Amazon is NOT available as Greek was not a language listed when I tried to upload the Greek version there. That left just Draft2Digital for the Greek Agora. Let me tell you, The Muse and I REALLY want this novel and indeed this series available in Greece in Greek.
It’s ‘A Thing’.
Ok?
Panic set in.
I just sat there looking at it thinking; WTF? This book, this very same MFn book, has been available on the newly ‘banned’ marketplaces for nearly a decade! What the fuckety-fuck-fuck-cuk!
Ok, calm down. Relax. Take a breath. There’s got to be a way around this.
I tried unclicking the erotica stuff but it was too late. The title, with my name attached to it, was banned.
Please understand, at this point, Amazon had already happily taken the German version and it was up and running. No problem.
I sat there staring at it and staring at it with my hands over my mouth and finally The Muse whispered; “There’s only one thing to do.”
Only one thing to try that might possibly work.
Change the name.
Ok…what’s a good name? What’s close but not toooooo damn close.
The Heart of War.
The Soul of War.
Off to Google Translate.
Quick title change on the files and the cover…you might wanna check out the slightly brazen and brandy-dandy new cover.
All other information remains the same as does the entire story.
The Muse said: “Don’t check that damn erotica box. Make it known in the search words and description instead….politely, of course.”
Hit UPLOAD.
AND
Yeah, baby!
Phew.
Made it.
In ebook and print.
Yeah, no, never ever coming to foreign languages in audio unless someone Over There totally falls in love with it and volunteers.
Now to rest and take a break. I’ll leave it the way it is, except “Doc” who will get that German version. If the translated versions sell I’ll do more. If not, well, here’s another set of skills I’ve learned and can take me with me into the future.
Like Babe Ruth said; You can’t hit if you don’t swing.
Lisa Beth Darling 